Letter to a friend

Dear Shane, it has been seven years. seven years since we spoke or since i have seen you. we were both young and firstly i am sorry. I'm sorry because i was so angry, i am sorry because i was filled with hatred, not for you but for the world. i was convinced that everyone and everything was out to get me. I was paranoid and depressed. I couldn't see your light, i knew it was there and that is what drew me near you but i was so sure that everything was going to collapse in on itself that it never occurred to me to let go of the things i couldn't control. I miss you, i feel you with me but the logic is telling me to be realistic and the emotional side is telling me to believe. I dream of things that happened and things that could of. 

Things i want you to know...

I want you to know that i think i have grown. 

I think i have finally learned to relax a little and that things aren't always going to end badly. 

I don't hate the world anymore and i have learned that the world never turned its back on me i turned my back on it. 

I learned that sometimes things happen for a reason and sometimes life deals you a hand you just have to deal with. I miss you and want you back so badly. I dream of you often and sometime i even think i am going a little crazy. There were many times i awoke not remembering until reality hit me like a truck. Please know that there is not a day that goes by that i don't think of you. My heart breaks every time i think of you and i even cry in sad movies now. 

I still remember your favorite movie and song, i remember when you were Santa at the christmas party and i remember asking her to make me look beautiful so you would notice me.I remember the hours and huge phone bills. i remember the night i looked into your eyes and walked away and i remember when we kissed. 

People say that you cant be in love at that age, but there was something. I don't know what it was but i loved you with every ounce of my being. The way i felt about you was more that i have felt for anyone. You will always be my first love and my heart will continue to break everyday i think about you and all you missed. 

There are so many regrets i have for you, you never got to get married and have babies. You never got to graduate or experience all the wonderful things of life. 

I love you.

Shane Daniel Cronin passed away at 17 in a car accident with three other friends. I grieve for shane everyday and although i am married now and have a child of my own there is not a day that goes by that i dont miss him.

BE BRAVE in life...